Tuesday, June 17, 2008 11:54 AM
Aww I am losing this years cluster maps. Its not the most accurate on counts since I can see on my server where people are coming from and the number of times they visit. It gets pretty damn close to locations. I love seeing where dots pop up (hello Damian (I may post a picture against your wishes still) my guyanesean friend!) and wonder who in the world thinks this is interesting (of course the other side is morbid facination like a watching a car wreck). Then there is Japan, Mongolia (!) and this little line going up Canada for some odd reason. I know people in Aus and Tasmania now so that makes sense and most other dots I can figure out. So hey!... remember slice of life but the slice I am giving out. (my new summer line)
Ok now tell me this is not disturbing. The only thing that would make this ok is if it were a scene from a John Waters movie. It was this Chastity Ball where fathers and their hormonally charged nymph daughters (dressed like Chiffon hookers) vowed to remain chaste. How many of these dads were sniffing around these same girls mothers porches BEGGING for some. Thats what they remember and thats why they are there. I do love how the lighting makes the cross look like its on fire. THAT would be something.
Monday, June 16, 2008 4:27 PM
the text messages of the month:
him: he is really cute. but I am worried about his facebook page.
me: ?
him: his friends are 90% shirtless and cookie cutter bods.
me: give him a chance may be deeper. this online stuff is a slice of a life.
him: yeah the slice he is giving out.
me: you don't have to eat everything put in front of you.
him: I just won't ask for seconds.
me: :)
Monday, June 16, 2008 1:31 PM
before and after Things and Blings. We considered ourselves post West Palm Beach
Blings.
Ok I am a lemming. waiting and waiting for the 3G iphone. the mobile Me feature while being so focused-group-massaged named to be cloying is brilliant in (supposed) execution. (forgive me E.B. for that sentence).
On day 9/9 of solid work days. I have seen/treated about 400 kids but no matter how tired when you have fun you have fun and its not work. Its laceration and broken bone time so have reduced (read..give good sedation and then bend the bones back to where they should be...its brutal to hear the bones cracking and the contortions you put the limbs through make dads wince and pass out).
Had the sad case of a kid just woke up could not talk well came in and just happened to have a blood vessel break and bleed into his head. Nice kid great mom and grandmom. Spent a lot of time talking to them. I think I over talked but I felt SO bad I think in retrospect I was trying to make something better by explanation when in fact nothing was going to make it better. In times like that shock is so complete that input channels are really not working.
But have had some down time. Saw Spamalot which surprisingly was really good and stayed "python". The songs "You need a Jew" and making Lancelot a circuit queen with a glitter codpiece and getting married while proclaiming "and to think in a 1000 years this will still be controversial" was that perfect "make the audience laugh"....nervously......moment I love.
Finished the ALC ride went out to Wonderland to dance which was great to be with dear friends. I was so so so tired but happy but tired but happy but emotional but happy. Saw a lot of people I have not seen in a long time which is one of the reasons I went. Was not without its up and downs as all things are but overall good. Wish I could relax into things a little more and stop analyzing EVERY situation.
INSIDER VEGAS TIP for those who don't love Vegas but find yourselves here at
times:
The Country Club Steakhouse at the Wynn. Quiet quiet quiet. Tucked way back in the Casino, dark wood, great wine list and good food. I am not a steak eater but the menu has everything. The atmo. is the best though. One can have a three hour meal with someone and not feel rushed and the service is top. Feels very East Coast.
Sat next to a very fun guy on the flight out here. Somehow I have that sit next to fun people Karma on planes. Turns out we know all sorts of the same people, are burning man people etc etc. He works with celeb but is LOW key about it which I love.
Friday, June 13, 2008 10:11 AM
More Lightning in a bottle magic. This guy shoots some great stuff.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008 1:11 PM
Monday, June 9, 2008 1:29 PM
I cant flip the movie and I am late to work so tilt your head.
the best homecoming crowd!
Wow. The California Aids Lifecycle was amazing. I am still processing the experience. Someone who came up to see our camp one night simply said "this is overwhelming". I am still too close to it to write more about the emotion since I start welling up thinking about it.
It was a week of riding hard. I had a pretty hard ride since I developed a cellulitis with an abscess formation on my leg and then rode 105 miles one day with it. painful. I named it Fred and the other docs and nurses would ask me daily "how's fred?" so that was funny. It was a low point that's for sure but not as low as when I broke out in a rash from the antibiotic at 11 at night and had to climb over a truck ramp and jump about 12 feet down onto said leg to devour some benadryl.
Thursday, May 29, 2008 7:29 PM
Lost
In
Memory
of
Days
gone
by.
Bright Eyes Brillance.
This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach
Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”
So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me
Thursday, May 29, 2008 4:33 PM
meet my ride. I LOVE my bike so much. Ok thats not right.
I had to try for three hours to get this girls heart working again. It did but man it was a nailbiter.
I need some road time. Had two good relationships that taught me to stick to my guns and wait for the right one but appreciate meeting new people and avoiding drama has and is a good mantra. I still really like (and really hope) to have them in my life.
Yes yes yes survived and now doing the Aids Lifecycle. So no updates for a week. hit the ALC7 Website to see daily updates its pretty cool and video daily.
I cant express how emotional and meaningful this event is for the participants. So many times in our (and I am not innocent) little gay world its all about move to the next party, pride and weekend full of distraction (you choose the exact kind). This week is about hard physical effort, community and having enourmous amounts of alone road time. I am not known as a "cryer" but man this week I have a hard time not. This is my first year single and I hope that does not make it too different. I dont like that energy that can accompany not having a boyfriend. I dont want the overlay ...way too distracting. I have pretty bad memories about the death of a longer term relationship a couple of years ago while I was on the ride and every year since its a nettle in my saddle...getting smaller but still like a sharp tooth your tongue somehow seems to keep finding.
The Bubble. Really try to see it. DO NOT READ the reviews much. Its much better experienced de novo. I usually shy away from Gay theme movies since I live it and I usually find any depictions of gay life two dimensional at best.
This movies is not perfect but I think it benefits from being in a different cultural setting so we may be more open to the characters. And the sound track is so so so good. I am tired of crying at stoplights. My movie partner was the best also (friend so stop thinking all that). That helps.
por ejemplo:
Ivri Lider Lyrics
" Song To A Siren
On the floating, shapeless oceans
I did all my best to smile
til your singing eyes and fingers
drew me loving into your eyes.
And you sang "Sail to me, sail to me;
Let me enfold you."
Here I am, here I am waiting to hold you.
Did I dream you dreamed about me?
Were you here when I was full sail?
Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks.
For you sang, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow."
Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
I'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
I'm as riddled as the tide.
Should I stand amid the breakers?
Or shall I lie with death my bride?
Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you."
"Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you."
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 2:49 PM
the coolest pic ala carlos. these kids were great!
Well it was a weekend of dancing, camping and truly hanging out. catching up with the SF and LA gang was well worth it as was meeting new people. Lightning in a Bottle was all burning man light, hippie love fest, alternative music and dancing under the stars.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 3:36 PM
Another ALC7
fundraiser the Sisters blessed our helmets and actually had a really nice
little blessing. It was a fun gathering of old an new friends.
Why I LOVE Wessel.
"ok, that actually worries me... doesn't anyone else
see red flags...I feel like I'm in friggin tienamen
square there are so many red flags waving."
Monday, May 19, 2008 9:53 AM
Wow a weekend indeed.
Friday, May 16, 2008 11:27 AM
As it Happens host Barbara Budd.
Last nights show was brilliant.
PLEASE listen to As it Happens on CBC. When I leave the ER at midnight its on and I love this show and listen faithfully. The hosts are brilliant funny and REAL hosts ie they don't let their subjects prattle on.
PS: TEN provinces and THREE territories. They will always ask and yes we are the stupid neighbors and yes annoyingly most Canadians know more of our states and capitals than we do.
Last night shows opening segment (usually a bullet list).VERY tongue in cheek if you read it all the way through. And their talk back segment (albeit edited always impresses me with the basic logic of our northern neighbor (worlds longest shared border by the way)).
"Vowing to be more inclusive. California's Supreme Court overturns a ban on gay marriage in the state.
Aftermath in Sichuan. Medicins Sans Frontières reports on conditions
in the devastated Chinese province.
Un-pastorized? The Lutheran church says it will censure a church that plans
to ordain a gay, married minister.
Houston, we have an infestation. The largest city in Texas is overrun by a flea-sized
ant with a taste for electrical wiring.
Disputing Happy Birthday's birthright. A law professor says the anniversarial
anthem should be firmly in the public domain.
And what's next? Turbo-charged snails? Slacker beavers? A study suggests that
sloths are less lazy than previously thought.
As It Happens, the Thursday edition. Radio that thinks it's okay to get out
of your tree."
Who? Sloths, Lutherans, Chinese or gay marriage opponents? Brilliant.
Its a great morning watering the tomato plants after the morning chill has lifted and then leaning over and letting the cold water run through my hair and shaking it in the brilliant light. Completely refreshing and somehow grounding. Silly but true.
Is it me or does John Mc Cains speaking style just drive you INSANE. He speeds up then gets this faux-gravitas and its so annoying.
Thursday, May 15, 2008 2:11 PM
Well be careful who you help with their bags. I just got an article written about my flight up to SF from last years Aids Ride. It captures the energy and fun the ride can spread....and yes my hair was blue.
Thursday, May 15, 2008 9:37 AM
randomness
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"I am not bitter I have context" from my friend David.
Ok end of the heavy (or not so heavy) shit. But its my blog so there. And to the incredibly cute, smarT (ALWAYS sexy) and yes cut raver thanks for the back and forth messages.....hilarious. I totally get your point now go eat a twinkie....not your friends the real ones.
If you have never heard this hilarious segment by Svetlana, Russian prostitute to Hollywood stars and political heavyweights on KCRW. PLease please please listen. She is hilarious and right on the money.
Hillary-B-Gone. Should bottle that.
We can marry. Yeah. Great now I have to buy MORE blenders.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008 8:07 PM
Thin is IN(sane).
on the heels of the last post.
I have lost about 5 pounds I did not want to by biking, working and not eating well. And I am admittedly self conscious of not being the buffest guy on the block so I HATE it when people comment. I saw someone in the gym and they "wanted to know what I was doing to stay so trim".
hmmm. I wanted to be really bad and say chemo but I was late for yoga. (not really but I like that line).
I should do the starving circuit Kill-for-a-potato fag chest/ab facebook/manhunt/myspace etc profile shot. So boring and really telling. I LOVE the ones where people put old sitcom stars as themselves. Florida from the Jefferson being my fav.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 2:37 PM
Empathy training in FULL swing. I have caught a little bug I have been avoiding for weeks. Lets just say that if I can tolerate solids soon I will be happy or else end up looking like this guy.
Ok eye catching in that Karen Carpenter way. I am a little worried that the body image is going insane. A six pack is a six pack is a six pack (and I am a fan)...you just better make sure there is a there there.
(forgive me Virginia)
Memorial Day:
Yin: Laguna with its parties, beach culture, loafers, button downs, viscous queens, really nice guys.
Yang: Lightning in a Bottle.
YANG! Some friends from LA and SF are going. Should be fun and tree hugger camping under Oak trees and ravy and all that good stuff.
Saturday, May 10, 2008 8:20 PM
I am going to Morocco for an Operation Smile Mission in June! I LOVE LOVE LOVE these missions. They are self selection for people who love kids, love to travel, can work under some pretty interesting conditions, (work your ass off) and have fun all at the same time. I can't tell you the interesting and really humbling people I have met on these missions. I have been to Egypt, Philippines and China thus far and all have been unique and really fun..
Friday, May 9, 2008 12:17 PM
Happy BDAY Cameron and Camille. They are my kids who are living with their loving lesbian couple (yes my biological, LONG story). I am dada who sees them every week. Its amazing to think they are 6! 6! Amazing where life can lead you if you let it.
Its been really real:
In the last three days I have been on in the ER I have intubated a patient each day, seen one kid die, had the discussion with a consult service (them: well I don't know how long you have been doing this. me: You know I am right, I have X-ray findings, a sick child and hypoxia so lets back it down about years of experience and do our jobs. (thinking "asshole").
But in this space time:
I went to a GREAT fundraising show where the most talented singers just got a big group together and gave a great show. I really am not a "show tune" fag...my stock answer is Showboat whenever any asks "where is that song from". BUT I really love seeing someone sing live and in a small venue. Its such a gift and really a hard hard gift since showbiz lets face it is a tough field. So we were regaled with talent and beautiful songs. and then to yin this yang went out to an event with porn stars every three feet. Since I am really not up on the who's who I loved talking to people then being told of their "attributes" or "skill set" later.
Monday, May 5, 2008 7:18 PM
latest photo work
Dave and Pete.
Monday, May 5, 2008 12:01 PM
He's a little preachy today.
Next time we blame the media I always wonder how many people it took to make this one of the "most emailed" stories on CNN. Get out the windex your glass house is streaky. Of course this post literally contradicts its message... a logic mobius strip.
People always comment when at my place after a while...."where is your TV?" . After 15 yrs I reply that I do not need one since billboards, web sites and even the News websites keep me up on all the TV shows I need. I LOVE me some shows (Battlestar Gallactica being WAY out front). When I am on the bike or treadmill at the gym and the reality parade is on the sets (twelve monitors and ONE is on CNN (come on people)) I honestly get depressed. I have to avert my eyes AND mind which to me is an affront.
I had this brief twelve second reality brush with LOGO about the Aids Ride (and still getting that little look from people sometimes (and having old friends contact me which is a charge!). I have been told its a good balanced look. I am still to self conscious to actually watch it. I also remember how they tried (unsuccessfully) to get me in shots with my shirt off or some emotionally charged moment when I was in tears which happens A LOT on the ride. Your tired after a 100 mile day on the bike thinking about a lot of stuff and all your emotions are right there on the surface. I know these shows have a job to do but aside from this show and a few others is it a job worth doing or supporting.
Had a fun night out last night with Mike and Jeremy and Les and Mark and...... This morning was not fun. Onto a bike ride. and off the soapbox ;)
Sunday, May 4, 2008 10:20 AM
This is a bullet (bright spot) that went through a persons chest and stopped JUST before entering their heart. The patient was walking and talking no distress. Its a very fine line.
I see this all the time. Fine lines. People who bring their kids in and they have crossed from happy healthy to leukemia, pneumonia, spontaneous head bleed.....etc.
As much as I think it does not affect me it has to go somewhere. And come out somewhere. I am wondering if my extreme Carpe Diem attitude is from this. I could hunkering down and pluggin away at a career path but I still think there is too much to do and see and being slaved to one place will get in the way.
Discoveries this week:
Its not the breakup its the prisoner exchange (CD's, parking passes) that is the most heinous part. Its colder than anything and makes it so final. Although I do enjoy getting my favorite shirts back. (and I know you think this song is about you)
I sent a completely embarassing email and realize I need a 24 hour hold policy
on my computer.
Being attentive to your needs.....sleep....good food...rest..can trump the needs
of others at times.